I walked outside in the warm enough air. I have been going to the Kennedy Center since I was a little girl, and like a little girl, I walked not on the paving stones, but on the landscaping ledge.
The ledge that used to hold in the Weeping Willows.
At the far end I spotted a man. He was sitting, studying his book. I stopped where I was, always weary, I studied him without looking at him.
We women know how to walk without looking, it is survival.
The male gaze is ferocious, our best defense is obliviousness.
He got up, and when he started walking my way, I started walking his way. Me on the ledge, him where the normal people walk.
I did not look at him at the point of contact, where we intersected directly, but kept him in my periphery, and noticed when he started back towards me.
I stopped as he approached, his energy was non threatening, neutral, curios.
He approached me and extended his hand.
Too quickly, I let him take mine, and I dismounted my perch to stand next to him.
You see I wasn’t surprised, I had been waiting for him.
Well, not him.
I had been waiting for someone, anyone to notice me.
Waiting for someone to rescue me from the life I was living.
He said he ran a news organization.
I had lots to say about news organizations, and the media.
He seemed charmed.
He asked if I had a card? I said no, I didn’t, I didn’t carry them anymore. He said, “Oh, your that important?”
I thought that was a strange thing to say. A stranger insulting me before they knew me.
At 10:17pm, I wrote down his email.
That night I would follow him and his news organization on instagram.
I was lonely, I still am lonely.
People treat their aloneness like it is a secret or something to be ashamed of. It is not, most people are alone or experiencing loneliness, some say it is the current greatest epidemic, made worse by all of our social media.
I had been separated from my husband for over 15 months and wanted a boyfriend. This stranger in the dark was both smart and accomplished, and I thought he was picking me up, so I was interested.
We started texting, sometimes phone calls. He said I had a lovely voice. He ran an informal salon to which I began attending. I finally had an outlet to talk about politics and the world in which people did not know me as Ashley the florist, they did not know me at all.
I share custody with my x and rarely go out when it is my turn, but for the salons, they were important enough to make an exception.
I had marked my calendar and lined up a babysitter, when a day before the salon in May, he sent out a cancellation email, saying that his friend was holding a different discussion to which he wanted to attend and was cancelling.
I tried to hint that he should invite me since it was open to the public, but he didn’t.
As any mother who has gone through the trouble to line up a bitter just to have plans cancelled, and not be able to then cancel the sitter because they are continuing on the work and have araneged their schedule all around it, I was pissed.
Also, he was wasting my time and clearly did not see any value in me.
Just exactly who was this man who was so inconsiderate?
I began my research, and within about a 45 minute dive, I discovered that not only did he run a newspaper, but was listed as being a prominent member of an Intelligence firm with ties to the Indian Secret Service (Raw )and a former CIA whistle blowing Spy.
I was taken aback.
I am a firm believer that you are the company you keep.
And 90% positive that this man who approached me in the dark, who I had hoped might become my boyfriend was/is a spy.
The News is dangrerous enough, but Spys are openly dangerous.
Had he targeted me? Did he know who I was when he offered me his hand?
Had I actually accomplished what I had set out to do, and caught the eye of an intelligence service?
If so, which one?
Had I FAFO?
I weighed the possibilities, and retreated.
I rationed, I am a mother. Knowing and loving someone like this man would be an unnecessary risk.
What was the point? I should focus on flowers. My life seemed to still be falling apart, I should concentrate.
But the problem was and is, I have never been able to deny my hearts desires.
From a child, I have been taught to follow my Bliss.
It was the only rule when picking a career. Do what you love and the money will follow, and for 20 years all I wanted to do was flowers, but now my brain was and is demanding to be put to better use.
I didn’t talk to the man for over a month, but I knew if I made a good pitch he wouldn’t be able to resist.
One of his big boasts is just how many authors he has under his network. I was banking on this.
Plus, I didn’t think he was “bad” I didn’t worry about the intelligence he was gathering, I thought he was a force for good. Maybe he still is, I don’t know, all I know is that he is very comfortable with partial truths.
Moving forward, our relationship would be professional, I would look at him as a mentor and editor, not a possible lover.
I pitched him an article idea, and he said I could write it. It was my first time covering the military, and I loved it.
My Grandfather was West Point Army, and I was taught to believe in their mission, I also believed the United States was headed for war over the coming months, and that I had a valuable and unique perspective.
When I sent in my article draft, rough as it was, he put his best editor on it, and it posted.
I was so proud of it.
My life was changing just like I had wanted.
I thought he saw my value.
I would later come to realize just how wrong I was.
I would later come to realize just how vulnerable and gullible I was and remain.
Still, even after all that has happened, I am proud of that article.
It did change my life.
Its just sad to know how the “friendship” ended, leaving me wondering if all I ever was was just a target, too dumb to see reality, too “crazy” to be taken seriously.
To be continued.
A reminder that this is all alleged and a figment of this authors imagination.
You could ask, why? Why am I writing when I believe this man and his network to be of potential danger to me and my family?
And the answer is I am stupid, and I am a patriot, and I don’t believe that someone should be able to destroy your reputation, slander your name, distort facts and set you up for a Honey Trap Asset Cultivation just because they think you are too weak to stand up for yourself.
